Confronting employee behavior issues requires tact
Dear Dr. Keller:
I own and run a mid-size company where I have had the same assistant for 23 years. She is wonderful, competent and a great multi-tasker. I trust her completely. I get along with her, have helped her through several life transitions and my wife and I have a great deal of respect for her. The problem is I am hearing rumblings that she is rude and offensive to people. I haven’t noticed this but I trust the people I am hearing this from. Apparently, she has been perceived to be this way for quite some time. I am reluctant to confront her but I also know that this could have a detrimental affect on others. I hate to lose a good person who has been with me so long. How can I handle this so it is a win-win for everyone?
Signed: Protective Boss
Dear Protective:
I certainly believe that it is worth your time and energy to address this issue with someone who has devoted 23 years of service to you and your company. After 23 years, you probably know her quite well. Is she experiencing a major life transition such as divorce, death or any life transition? Talk with her openly about what you are hearing. Ask if she is aware of how people perceive her. Share your concerns on how this will affect her and the company. Let her tell her side of the story. It is possible that some people in your company are demanding, poor communicators or disrespectful to her. Another possibility is that she is extremely protective of you and watches who and what gets across her desk.
Because you trust her completely, she must be trustworthy. This is a time where having a trusting relationship will be the foundation for discussing a delicate topic. In approaching her, do not be accusatory. Be open to hearing what is on her mind, brainstorming ways to change the impression she gives and what others may need to learn to understand her. It’s all about what you don’t yet know and where you want to go from here.
Dear Dr. Keller:
I work with someone who is constantly correcting people, letting everyone know her opinion, and thinks nothing of changing the subject of conversation to what she wants to talk about. She has a condescending way of approaching people. And her voice is on the whiny side. It is to the point where people avoid her and plan things around her, which then means we end up lying to her about what is happening in the plant. Is there any other way to deal with her than to avoid her?
Signed: Tired of “Miss Know-it-all”
Dear Tired:
Remember to keep your eye on the ball. If someone’s being condescending, it only matters if the obnoxiousness somehow objectively interferes with your efforts to do your job or weakens you in the eyes of someone who matters, like a boss or a customer. If it doesn’t matter, you can safely ignore it and go about your business. Other people’s workplace behavior only matters if it undermines you in some way; if it’s merely annoying, then forget about it and focus on the task at hand.
If it does matter and you are forced to interact at some level in the workplace, I suggest you and others stick to your guns. When she attempts to change the subject to herself or something that she knows, don’t let her. Take control over your conversations. Ask her this question: “Can you hold onto that thought?” Or you could be more direct, saying, “Wait, I’m not finished yet, thanks.” People like you are describing either end up being left out of events, ostracized or laughed at. Emotionally intelligent people get the hint and make some changes. If this person continues, then tell her to stop.
Remember, if someone treats you badly, you should not be asking yourself, “How do I make this person suffer or get him back?” You should be saying, “How does this affect what I am trying to accomplish or the perception of me in the company and what can I do to control or change what this person is doing?”
Karen J. Keller, a syndicated columnist, is a master certified coach
and psychologist. Send your questions to dr.keller@theexecutivecoach.com
